Ho, ho, ... why?

Are there others among you out there who approach the Holiday Season with greatly mixed feelings, or am I the only one? For years it has seemed to me that anything after about November 15 was a run up to massively unrealistic expectations and bruised feelings. As someone once said to me, why do we have such silly ideas about "family holidays" spent with people we make an active choice not to spend time with the rest of the year? Then there is all the stressful expectations about holiday decorating (for which I hold Martha Stewart, Pottery Barn, and all the Lifestyle publications directly responsible), parties, parades, ad nauseum. However, having whinged about all that, I now need to put on my Big Girl pants and face what's out there anyway.

Because I completely and besottedly adore my Grand Kids and daughter-in-law (her husband's pretty cool, too, but he's staying home to earn money while they are here), I have made plans to do all that stuff that I usually run-don't-walk from in other years. Also, because I haven't been able to arrange any really dramatic excuses (the darn eye doctor says he really can't do the lazer surgery until February ...) this year, I have agreed to play for several holiday excesses. The music is saved this year by The Leader of the Band selecting lesser known and older pieces appropriate to the Advent and Christmas season. I flatly refuse to play 'Up On the Rooftop', 'Here Comes Santa Claus' or 'Jingle Bells' ... and I'm old enough that I can't be forced to do so! And, for myself, I've enjoyed learning new/old pieces that are simply lovely to play. I stopped by a friend's house this afternoon to ask about singing/playing a book of music by Hildegard von Bingen (12th century Anno Domini); he was helpful and the music is great. Not a jingling bell to be heard!

We'll go find a needle-shedding tree to bring to the house and there is a tree-trimming party in the works with already-extended invitations, so I can't back out now. We're off to do the Candlelight Tour at Biltmore Estate in North Carolina (complete magic, that one) ~ tickets are already purchased, and I'm just cheap enough that I will go for that reason, if no other! Actually, I love the estate and have gone to the candlelight tour for several years running; it's always lovely and, if there is snow, it is breathtaking. The photographer is booked for the holiday portraits (I have threatened the G-Kids with all manner of unpleasantness if anybody shows up with a black eye; that was one of their father's party tricks in his salad days ...). The Grand Daughter and I have a date for cookie making before the aforementioned tree-trimming hoo-ha. I'm trying to get my head around that one. Let me state for the record: I do not bake. I cook. Baking is just too much like chemistry and I believe in leaving it to them as what likes that nonsense. However, the light of my life (one generation removed) bakes, so I shall attempt it. Grand Daughter is coming to music ensemble rehearsal with me (she has begun to play one of the instruments in the group, so she is calling this a job shadowing opportunity). Both Grand Kids are coming to court with me the morning of the day we leave for North Carolina. Their mother is off to the Salon de Beauty for running repairs and renewing friendships while we dispense justice in Decatur. I have extra judicial robes, we'll have to see how it goes ...

When they leave, I shall cry a great deal, then I will go to bed for about a month to rest!

The rather marvelous thing about all this is that we have no particular history for this occasion, so no expectations. This may be the first Christmastide we have spent together so we're making it up as we go along. We shall miss having their father and grandfather with us, but that may be the new normal, too. As I have learned to my cost, the only constant is change, so get used to it.

I'm off to Thanksgiving celebration tomorrow at Best Friends' house, with people to whom I am not sanguinally or legally related and who I love dearly. I give thanks for them, for the family I grew up with, for the life I have now, and for the blessing of the wonderful memories of the life(s) that went before. I have loved and have been loved; and that is the greatest blessing of all and I am thankful.

Best of the season to all of you!

"Did everyone see that? Because I shall not be doing it again." (from On Stranger Tides)

You Agreed to do What ...?!

This is one of those weeks that I bit off way more than I could chew (an unlovely but appropriate folk term). Hosting a party on Friday for a wonderful young friend to celebrate the publication of his article in a professional journal. I don't pretend to have read it, much less understood what he tried to explain to me, but we're really proud of the acknowledgement of his expertise in print . Thank goodness that best friends, Emily and Mike, are co-hosting because I'd probably run out screaming otherwise. Nothing fancy, but one more thing on the calendar. Then I said I'd play for an open house on Saturday evening. Again, nothing fancy, but one more thing on the calendar. I rehearsed with the other harpist yesterday and felt like throwing the harp out the window afterwards. I'm fine doing solo work, but I pretty much suck right now playing the harp in ensemble. My woodwind stuff is quite fine, thank you very much, but I sort of suit myself with the harp. That doesn't work with an ensemble. And I have no earthly idea when I'm going to sit down with a metronome and a harp between now and then.

Additionally, I'm finding it harder and harder to hump the big harp around by myself. However, it has such a lovely tone, I guess I'll keep trying until I drop it or it falls on me! I suppose I should give some serious thought to just how much I use those bottom strings and see if I could convince myself that the middle harp would work just as well for schlepping about. It's not so heavy and the case is a whole lot easier to hang on to. The lap harp is just cute as a bug's ear, but I think of it only for taking somewhere when I have something to work on between other stuff. It's a really pretty thing, but has the limitations any lap harp has. About the time my back is screaming and my shoulders are on fire, I think, "Gee, a harmonica is looking really good right now."  I suppose it wouldn't be such a bloody expedition if I didn't have to haul all the impedimenta along with the harp; bench, music stand, floor drape, floor lamp, music books, tuner, tuning wrench, ad nauseum. It's as bad as a baby or a little league ball player! I see some of you murmuring, "Choices, Jayne, choices." Alas.

On a brighter note, I want to take a moment to give thanks for small blessings. At the end of my road, as one leaves the neighborhood, there is, across a field and state highway, a ridge that rises straight up. It is covered with all manor of trees from base to ridge top. For several weeks in the fall it appears to be aflame. The trees are all the different colors of the fall and it can take your breath away in the morning. It is lovely again in the spring as the trees come on in every shade of green possible (after they bloom). These undeserved gifts are such a blessing that I don't want to neglect to mention them. There was a huge and windy storm this afternoon before I left court. As I was driving along a street doing errands, I noticed some of the trees still clung grimly to some of their blaze orange leaves and, in the sunlight that came intermittently through, they shimmied and glittered like something the other side of gold. Just lovely.

I asked him what he was going to be for Halloween and he said, "A pencil." I said, "How can somebody be a pencil?"

"At my age, taking the easy way out is not to be despised."